YES, I BUSTED MY ASS...OUCH!

this is moni... norma's been posting here too...we were unable to blog because although we stayed at nice hotels, they did not have business centers and we were wiped out each evening to go look for an internet cafe...eating and drinking beer and wine was waaaaaaayyyyy more important than blogging...anyway, on day five of the ride i busted my ass...we were in what could be described as a forested area..."off road" cycling...i hit a patch of rocks...my bike twisted and i went sliding thru the dirt and rocks...the guide had gone on ahead of me and norma so we were on our own to patch up my busted knee...norma had a first aid kit that i had been carting for four days in my bike pouch...just that morning i had told her i refused to carry the first aid kit around...we don't need it...it's just taking up room in my pouch...well, good for norma telling me she was gonna go ahead and carry it in her pouch...anyway, after i fell i still had to cycle for a good hour out of that area...i was riding on pure adrenaline and fear...we get to the hospital and imagine a place that looks like time had stopped in the year 1950...and i'm probably being generous by giving it that year...the other riders that had seen my knee all said oh yeah, you'll have to get stitches for that...i've never had stitches so i didn't know what to expect...i communicate with the doc thru the cycle guide (Martina) who's interpreting for me...first of all they would not give me anything like a shot to help with the pain...i was told a shot would hurt more than what they would actually do...okie dokie...i lay down on the bed and the doc proceeds to get this scrubbing brush and starts scrubbing the dirt and grit out...i thought i would pass out from the fucking pain...norma will have to give her version of the events...then, the stitching starts...wow, talk about wanting to fucking hit somebody...i was hanging on to Martina's hand for dear life...crying, screaming...she was so awesome holding my hand and patting my head...like a little kid i kept asking her is it almost done?...is it almost done now?...one more stitch monica...then i feel the needle again...what are they doing martina???...sorry monica maybe two more stitches....aaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!...i ended up with seven stitches...i can honestly say i've never felt pain like that...yes, i'm a drama queen...diva...but dammit that hurt like fuck...oh, but the best part, after i fell i had to check my hands...i did not break a nail!...cuz u know had i done that i would have had to find a nail salon :-) ...that's all i got!

Headed to the wine country = Thurs Aug 7th

Hello everyone=
We had a great day of resting and shopping in this beautiful little gingerbread house village TELC.
Have fresh legs and are headed to Southern Bohemia and Moravia. We will visit castles today and have a private wine tour. Not sure when we will have access again...cutting through Austria and then into Hungary...

Later...we're out
N

THE FIRST TO RIDE THE SAG IS WHO....ME?.........Wed August 6th= afternoon nap time-

Hello everyone= Norma's post

Yes...it has been a rough start to our cycling journey. Two things you pay for on a tour...local guides who know the area and good equipment...we have neither...

Our ride starts off rushed. I think our guides got there late and they are already discussing where people will need to cut mileage. Now...some idea about our terrain. We are in the mountains...these are not Texas hills.

Maps were distributed and then we were told some of them had the wrong information....never you mind...when you get to the hotel we can give you our cell numbers...let's get started.

One of our guides is Janus a real slacker dude who only does this work in the spring and fall. He is responsible for cycling with the group while Martina works the van and prep.

10 miles into our ride...right after I took a fab photo, he notices I have a flat tire. He has no equipment, no tools, and he will have to ride out of the village 10K so that he can get a signal. Now the van will be here in an hour...Im so ticked because I'm dying to ride. I sit in the center of this no name village in a doorway and am interrupted by Brunhilde...who wants to know what I want..then the storm blows through and I'm thinking Moni must be having a fun ride. One hour later I am picked up by the sag {furious to be the first..how do you run a tour and not have tubes and your gear?
We pick up Moni and other riders and head to lunch...guess what there are 4 riders lost. Mary was the last one found. She not only got lost...flipped on her bike somehow and fell in a ditch=this is the person who fell again the next day and is now in a Czech hospital. Everyone is moaning at lunch about how crazy it is that all are lost. I choose to do the afternoon ride. This is the most brutal climb ever...up and up..and up...they gave us a map with the chart of elevation and it looks like an EKG? [u can read Moni's story and know where she was...

Some places I was able to control the grind up and breathe and enjoy. As we were closer to the top, deep behomian forests of trees and wind. When I finally hit the highest peak...it was an awesome feeling.
...until i didnt think I could bear it and then it peaked and the fabulous downhill started. OH SHIT I HAVE NO FRONT BRAKES...
My front brake popped out and every time I put the cable back in...it wouldn't hold. Never saw the sag so I just managed it. Rolling up and down and up and down on the road to Tabor. I wasn't really paying attention honestly and found myself riding the freeway =3K to Tabor...yes I'm here. OOPsss...nothing here matches my map so I crossed over the highway into Chotinsky? This is the village that Tarantino built...hostel...churches...no street names...garages with lots of welding equipment. Shesshhh....I was lost in and out of this village for 2 hours. No one speaks English...I don't speak Czech! I did talk to alot of people here though...they've erected a statue in my honor! One would say 10 k that way...then at that spot another would say no 10 k that way. This village was in a valley so in and out required climbing... I rode up and down for almost 2 hours...you count the miles...I had no cell phone and no phone numbers!!!!!

I finally gave up and saw a highway sign to Tabor 8 K and just started following it. Finally calmed down, relatively flat, trees and forest...

Hey, here comes Moni with the sag wagon. When I didn't show up at the rest stop, she forced Martina to go combing the streets for me. Finally, in my favorite village, a person who I had asked for directions started yelling to the van and told them which way I went. They didn't see me but Moni saw the sign and knew I would go that way. And here they are...first thing I bitched about was not their crappy directions but my piece of shit bike with no front brakes. All is well...we have decided not to let REI control our vacation and make sure we are safe. Cell phones...check...phone numbers...check...handguns...oh darn we forgot those... still I did enjoy the riding. Yesterday's ride was also brutal...climbing and more climbing...my drama yesterday is that I had another flat tire (never ever have I had a flat and now 2 days in a row) Read monis post for what happened yesterday...she in the van...we were riding the afternoon and the van never showed up to pick us up so we sucked it up and rode the optional ride to get to the hotel!!!

Mother of God...Two days of cycling in the mountains...50 miles each day...we took a rest and shopping day today. Moni has calmed down a little.

She has been such a trooper and bless her because I would now be a permanent resident of that small village. This is a pay back for all the bar fights I've broken up for her...and there have been many...even took a small clipping because she called a girl in a bar 'a nasty trick'

She's got my back...love my sister!!!!
N

Wednesday August 6th = A DAY OF REST

Norma and i have both opted not to ride today...we're taking it easy and hanging in Telc...gonna do some shopping and drinking...that's all i got!

Tuesday Aug 5th = REI FUCKING SUCKS PIG BALLS

Moni's post-
We have two passenger vans that we are using throughout this trip...One van has the trailer where all the bikes get loaded up...We start the day by riding about 15 miles to a town outside of Tabor...we get our bike gear on and someone has monkied with my seat because it's to high up and now i've got to mess with it to bring it back down...about 10 minutes into the ride a gal named Mary falls off her bike...we later find out that she has cracked her knee...the van loads her up and takes her to the hospital...now mind you this is the van that's supposed to be following us...anyway, when i first met Mary yesterday i was thrilled because she was actually someone who was more nervous than myself about riding a bike...so hey, i wasn't the biggest spaz on the block...we bicycle again this morning for about 29 miles...we stop and have a 'picnic' lunch...okay when i read that in the REI description i thought oh maybe we'd be at a park...no, just there on the side of the road...okay, suck it up and go with the flow...after we eat you can do another 20 miles or go in the van but the van is going to the hospital because the guide needs to check on Mary...no biggie we thought...so i'm in the van with Mary's brother and his wife...everyone else decides they're gonna do the 20 miles...however, since now one van is at the hospital and we're in the second van, there will be no support van for the guys on this leg of their ride...great!!!!!!....i'm riding in the van and of course the guide is lost...his name is Slavak and he does not speak English...it takes us 2 and a half hours to find the hospital...talk about burning my whole afternoon...these guides are touted on the REI site as being familiar with the region and knowing the English language...LIES!!!!!...this guide had to stop 4 times to ax for directions...at one point i have to pee...so i see a mcdonalds...yes, a mcdonalds...so i start hollering from the back of the van to stop...he doesn't understand mcdonalds....finally i have to yell 'WC', 'WC' for water closet...that he understands...good lord!...we finally get to the hospital at almost 4pm...we ck on Mary...now, her brother Phil is a heart surgeon so he's trying to talk to the docs thru the guide interpreter that had taken Mary to the hospital...his name is Jan pronounced Yon (he speaks good English)...Slavak takes off and leaves us there so he can go and pick up the other riders...so, since we had both vans the riders not only had to do the 20 miles after lunch they had no option but to do the 10 optional miles too...we finally leave the hospital around 5-30pm...i axed Jan what time is dinner he said 8pm...so i decide to eat a cliff bar so i don't get so crazy...well, guess what...Jan doesn't know the way to Telc...he's got his map out and he's got to stop and ax 3 different times for directions...it's now almost 7pm and Jan tells us we have dinner reservations and we need to be back in the van by 7-20pm...okay i'm in this van stinkin' from the morning ride and now i may not have time to shower before dinner...fuck that...i get out the van and go up to my room and take a shower...big deal we leave a little late for dinner...if i hadn't burned my whole afternoon with these 'lost' drivers i wouldn't be in this position...my issue is not with checking up on Mary at the hospital my issue is with these drivers that are supposed to know the region...so REI fucking sucks pig balls and they will get an earful from me when i get back...for dinner we had duck with cabbage...no, i did not eat the cabbage but the duck was very tasty...that's all i got!

p.s....the only czech i understood was when we were waiting for Mary in her room, there were four other beds so i hop up on one and take off my shoes and relax...the crazy nurse comes in there hollering at me in czech but i understood she wanted me to get off the clean bed...WELL!

WTF HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO (MON AUG 4th)

Moni's post-
We started the morning off on the right foot...my stomach was in terrible knots because i didn't know what to expect...we start off in this huge parking lot so everyone can get on their bikes and try them out...i rode around in the lot and got used to the bike...after that my stomach settled and i could relax...i've become annoyed with the guides and as i post u will see why...Martina (the guide) starts off by telling us the map is wrong that she's given us and proceeds to tell us the changes we need to make...gggrrrrr....we take notes and take off riding...the cycling was challenging but we had some incredible views of the city...(really tough hills to climb)...of course me being such a spaz i would not dare get off my bike to take a picture...will have to rely on norma's photos...so there was a group of folks cycling in front of me...i was by myself in the middle and norma was in a group behind me cuz she was taking photos...about 2 hrs into the ride this huge downpour of rain starts...i felt blessed and cursed at the same time...i had run out of water so the rain helped to cool me off but i had to stop to get my rain jacket out...i took a little longer than the group in front of me and before i knew it they were outta site and i could not see them...so i'm peddling thru this huge downpour, the wind is blowing sideways...huge open areas all around me...nowhere to seek shelter so i just kept peddling...at this point i'm thinking WTF have i gotten myself into...the sag wagon that's supposed to be following us is nowhere in site...i'm really pissed at this point...finally i get to a fork in the road and i've got to decide do i go left or do i go right...the map was of no help since i had my head down in the rain and did not pay attn to the signs...i sit there at the fork in the road for about 30 min waiting for norma and the group that was behind me...well, guess what, they never showed up...finally i just decide to go left at the fork in the road...about half a mile up i come upon Dotti and Brian...they're standing there waiting for folks too...it's still raining by the way...now i'm hungry and cranky...the rain finally stops so i pull out a cliff bar...of course i'm shaking from nerves and poof the cliff bar flies out of the wrapping and onto the ground...not to worry i used the 5 second rule...Dottie found my cliff bar so i proceeded to eat it with some czech dirt...it was very tasty and i was starving so at that point i would have eaten anything...so we're there chatting and the sag wagon flies right on past us...we're like WTF...so we get on our bikes and start peddling again...none of us have any water...so that the wagon didn't even stop to check on us had me crazy...about 30 min later the sag wagon rolls right on past us again...never stopping to see if we're ready to stop cycling...now i'm really fucking crazy...we continue to ride for another 30 min and we come up on the sag wagon...at this point their ready to load us...since we lost an hour cuz of the rain we now have to be loaded up otherwise we won't make it to our lunch spot...it's almost 2pm at this point...i'm not a happy camper...so norma was the first in the sag wagon...however, in her defense she got a flat tire and the guide did not have the equipment to fix her flat...so the first time we saw the sag wagon zip by us was because he was on his way to pick up norma...the second time the sag wagon zipped past us he was on his way to what would have been our 'water' stop...we stop for lunch...at this point i've done 28 miles...the optional mileage is another 20 miles...i opt not to do this and get on the sag wagon...norma decides to do the optional mileage since she was only able to ride about 10 miles before she got a flat...i'm riding in the wagon with 3 other ladies...now we're all under the impression the wagon is taking us to the hotel...wrong...we stop at this fork in the road about 15 miles up the road...i'm like why are we stopping...oh, this is where we wait for the riders that decided to do the 20 miles...WTF...well, i've got to take a piss...i ax her where i can go to potty...she's like this town is pretty deserted so there are no places open for business...zhu got zu go wif nature...um!...i went behind a bldg that was probably a pharmacy at one time...drop my shorts and start to take a piss...thank God i had my wipes and my hand sanitizer...so the riders come by one by one...we fill up their waters and they've got about 5 more miles to go...but the reason we're at the fork in that road is because Martina forgot to tell them the map was wrong and they needed veer to the right not the left...well, guess what, norma never shows up...so we have two vans and the gals that we're with me ride back with a guide to the hotel...Martina and i proceed to look for norma...we start looking around 4pm...by 6pm i'm a complete wreck because we haven't found her...i'm wondering what time does the sun start to set...Martina pulls over cuz again, i've got to become one with nature...when we stop this lady starts hollering at me...so Martina is still in the van and i holler i think this lady is trying to tell me about my sister...martina gets out the van and sure enough this lady tells us where she saw a rider by herself and what road she saw her on...and that she had been asking for directions...she must've guessed that since i was in my cycling gear that i must be looking for other riders...well, sure enough we go down that road she tells us and there's norma just peddling along like no big deal...of course it was a big deal because she knew she had been lost for almost 2hrs and her bike had no front brakes...so, if you think i was crazy she was really nuts!..i'm telling you, the minute i saw her figure i just burst out crying...my nerves we're on edge big time...we are now carrying our cell phones on the ride and sticking with the guide no matter what...leason learned...use the buddy system...that's all i got!

p.s....when we finally found norma i had another visit with nature right there next to the van

Hello all,

I am posting this for my technically challenged wife. She wanted to make sure all of fans had a few words from her mouth directly before her sister took over the reporting. In fact she has already posted. Don Giovanni is an excellent opera. I highly recommend it. If you can't go to the opera at least rent Amadeus. Just a taste of the music, some history, no exorbitant drink prices and no bathroom lines at the intermission.

Anyway her are Olivia's words. Sorry for the time delay.

Subject line: Thursday July 31 -- We made it to Prague!

It was a brutal 17 hours spent trying to get to prague...customs was a joke...some guy just looked at my passport...didn't ax me if i had anything to declare...(otherwise i would have declared he was an idiot!)...no paperwork to fill out...oh well, these are a free people now and they'll let anyone in...had pigs leg the first day here...very tasty...had some goulash...tasty as well...have had a lot of beer...i'm ready to hit the wine country but that's not tll like day 4 or 5...I tried not to be a winey fuck...but, you'll have to wait for norma's blog...we went to this famous beer hall call U Flek U...and of course it sounds like fuck u...norma had to have said the name of that beer had 100 fucking times...finally last night i told her if she said it one more time i would decapitate her in her sleep...with my grooming scissors that is...we're acting like stooopid american tourist and riding the metro for free...that's all i got!

Stay tuned for more pearls from Det. Benson